A Guide for New Parents: Full Cups and Oxygen Masks
Prior to taking off, flight attendants routinely ask travelers (especially those sitting with young children) to put their own oxygen on masks first, prior to helping others around them. It is the same notion that you cannot pour from an empty cup- if we cannot meet our own needs, how can we meet the needs of others? This concept is vital and one that I often discuss with my clients who are new to the world of parenting. Instinctively, we want to help, comfort and meet the many needs of our children- especially infants and young ones who need so much from us all.of.the.time. While of course as parents we must meet our childrens’ needs- feeding, bathing, soothing, providing comfort and physical closeness, we MUST also prioritize meeting our own needs. Parenting can be exhausting and stressful, so by taking time for yourself, you will be better equipped to be there for yourself and for your loved ones.
Here are some tips for prioritizing your own self-care as a new parent:
1. Ask for and accept help. When friends/family/neighbors offer to help, take them up on it! Whether it is an offer to watch the baby/kids for a bit so you can go out and do whatever you want, take a nap, go for a walk, or whatever else you would like to do, accept the offer! Even just 20-30 minutes of time to yourself can help you feel rejuvenated.
2. Find ways to maintain your social life. Remind yourself that you are a person outside of being a new parent, and spending time with friends (although it may look different than pre-baby), is vital to your own mental health. This can be the occasional lunch/dinner/coffee date/outing with your significant other or friends and family, and is key for maintaining your sense of self and overall well-being.
3. Let go of/lower expectations within your home. Often new parents are so overwhelmed with simply caring for a newborn and, additionally for the mamas, managing all of the physical and mental tolls that exist in the postpartum period. Allow your home to be a bit more messy than you would have prior to having kids, outsource if/when you are able and remind yourself that this is a phase in life and that you don’t have to figure everything out all at once (how to manage chores, cooking, cleaning, exercise, etc)
4. Practice mindfulness. Have I mentioned that being a parent is overwhelming? Having a mindfulness practice, whether it be meditation, deep breathing, sitting in nature or something else that suits you, making time for mindfulness can help ground you when you are feeling anxious/frustrated/overwhelmed. For more specifics ideas on this, check out my blog post on anxiety tips and tricks.
5. Use Mantras/Affirmations. “ I can do hard thing” “All feelings are okay” are two current favorites in my household. Mantras and affirmations may make you want to roll your eyes at first, however they can truly help shift your mindset! Check out this podcast by Tiffany Roe for lots of amazing ideas of affirmations.
6. Set the stage for your children. Children learn habits from their caretakers. Know that by setting boundaries in your own life and prioritizing your own needs, that your kids are more likely to learn healthy coping strategies as they grow up too. Even young children are quite attuned to how their parents behave. They are watching you, so how you take care of yourself (or not) really matters.
So new parents, and, everyone, fill your own cup, put your mask on (not just the covid kind) and most importantly, enjoy the ride